You'd think a post like this should feel more...inaugural. But unlike a politician I won't make any promises. All I can guarantee with my content is that half of it will come from scribbles on napkins and the recesses of notebooks. The other half will be typed up after another day of trying to make it in...something. I can promise that I am a writer, partly because I take a bit of pride in the title, but mostly because i am a person that puts words together in a way that evokes feeling. Sometimes this is transcribed from something that I feel myself, sometimes it's written specifically to evoke a specific reaction. Beyond that I can promise that I am a broken man. I doubt that "broken" is really the right term, but as I type this I simultaneously feel like there's no better term for how I feel.
Now I could blame my parents for mishandling me young, and I do blame one of them for that. But truly what I blame more is the way I choose to interact with the world, keeping the darker spots of my mind hidden away from even the most prying or most gentle of hands. These dark spots tend to come out when I write, spilling out and staining the page, because yes I sometimes write in pen. Maybe I'm a broken person and a broken man, my shattered self affecting links, relationships and events that transpire around me and pass me by. Events I sometimes find myself clutching to as I desperately try to slow the implacable passing of time.
I don't know what my purpose is in writing this blog, if it's to entertain, to make money, to be discovered or simply just as catharsis. Money would be nice of course, and I doubt I'm writing anything worth discovery. All that I know is I often write drunkenly at 3am, consciousness spilling on pages I've never shown. Maybe by hiding behind a title or a screen I'll finally be able to share. Maybe I'll use this blog for truth. It's easy to fluff things when you're a writer, and maybe a blog will yank some manner of honesty out of me as I document my path each week.
What's the path? Figuring my shit out.