Driving Myself Crazy

Disclaimer: today’s Whiskey and Stardust are brought to you by three hours of sleep. Quality of contents may vary. May contain dairy.

You’ll often hear people talk about how much you’re willing to sacrifice for your dreams. At the core of this concept, you’ll get the number of hours they’re putting in weekly to reach their goals. The numbers start in the mid-sixties and end just before a hundred. It almost sounds like a competition. “I’ve been working on my album for years, and I put in 50 hours of studio time a week”, “I just launched a business, and I’m there two hours before we open and hours after we close”. I’m not saying this to discredit anyone, and I’m not even trying to make them sound silly. I commend people who put so many hours into their ventures (even if it sometimes sounds like more of a pissing contest than anything). In fact, I really wish I could keep up.

Because the truth is I’m lazy as fuck.

I do work, a lot, I think? I mean some days I’m up till 4am tinkering with that last tag line because the client sent it back. I probably spent a hefty chunk of that day on YouTube, so does it even count? I’m pulled in opposite directions, where I feel like I can’t keep up with everything I’ve set in front of myself, but I’m not getting the sleep or the time with friends I’d be getting if I wasn’t working. But I’m not getting enough done, or at least it doesn’t feel that way.

Today though....today I undoubtedly put everything into my goal.

I want to act, no fuck that I want an Oscar (I don’t always know what I want to do, but when I do I shoot for the moon). Late last week, I get a phonecall for my agent. I had an audition. It was going to be in Toronto, Monday at 2:45. Toronto is seven hours away from my hometown. Today is Monday. So what’d I do? Naturally, I woke up at 4am and drove the seven hours for a twenty minute audition. I think it went well. I’m no expert, but I feel like a commercial audition where the casting director asks you what you’ve acted in previously with a perplexed voice is going well. The only bummer? The role is a 35 y/o father. Apparently someone somewhere thinks I could play a 35 year old, but I’m not too convinced. At least I have the knowledge that I put everything I could into that audition; I memorized the script, acted as naturally as possible, and even translated the script on the fly when asked. I know that if I don’t get the role, it’s got nothing to do with my ability, but my look. There’s a certain comfort in that, in knowing that I did the absolute maximum that I could, and the only factors that might go against me are outside my sphere of control. It’s not a feeling I get often. It was worth the trip.

Thankfully I had a great friend who came along for the ride, you know, to keep me sane. It’s reinforced just how important it is to have a solid support system, and that you should be able to lean on them occasionally (once you know they can be trusted of course).

All in all, this audition, the car ride up (and probably the return trip tomorrow) will have been enlightening. There’s a tad of madness in driving a 14 hour round trip for the sake of clarity, but then I’ve always been a little unhinged.